Harvesting Hot Kiwi
by Sick Twisted Broken Soul
Summary: Emma Swan has the hots for the ex-evil queen. Too scared to tell her outright, she has to come up with a way to talk to her without talking to her. So, she takes her two titles 'White Knight' and 'Savior' and becomes Harvesting Hot Kiwi. The mysterious person who sends the mayor love notes.


**A/N: Welcome, I hope you enjoy the story. So, letter from Emma (not that anyone knows that yet) are in **_italics _**while those from Regina are in bold.. It's already in bold. So. Yeah. Anyway, enjoy, hopefully. **

_I am probably the worst person when it comes to words, saying what I mean, or romance. Or. If I were to be completely honest, I'm not really all that good, or even decent, at allot. But. I want, no, I need you to know, that since the first time my eyes had the unbelievable honor of landing on you that I've loved you. Love to me was a myth until that point, love at first sight a fools dream, true love? Things unhappy parents told to their children because there own marriages sucked ass. But I did. In that moment, I loved you. At first sight. I didn't know why I loved you then. I do now. I love you because you are strong, soft, courageous, loving, fierce, passionate, forgiving, the best mother I've ever met, and even a bit hotheaded. Which on you, is just sexy._  
_There is not one thing I don't love about you. So. I need to tell you. I need you to know, and hopefully soften you up for when you figure out who I really am - which you will._  
_\- Harvesting Hot Kiwi_

Mayor Mills read the note a second time before glancing around her office. Finding no people, or visible differences or cameras. Wondering who would have left such a thing, let alone go by such a weird and revolting moniker. No name or face came to mind. Assuming it was just a bad joke the woman slid the letter into the empty bottom drawer of her desk. Then she set to work, putting the short letter out of her mind.

_Dear Zeus fucking Hermes with a lightning bolt. You were particularly ravishing today! I might just have to ask that boy of yours to do laundry more often if it means you are forced to wear jeans. Here I was as positive of winning as a 7-0 in the ninth inning that you couldn't possibly become any more beautiful until I saw you this morning! Boy was I wrong! I saw you walk past and I quite nearly dropped to the ground as my heart stopped beating._  
_That is what you do you know. You make my heart stop. Cuz, see, it only beats for you. And once you're out of sight, it just doesn't want to keep on ticking._  
_I know it's super cliche, but I hope you enjoy the flowers!_  
_-Harvesting Hot Kiwi_

For two days in a row she'd come into her office to find the little notes on her desk, and this time she'd gotten a bouquet of purple roses. Admittedly they were beautiful, which was Regina's self-justification for putting into a vase and placing them on her coffee table. Before slipping the note into the drawer with the one from the day before, curiosity eating at her.

Every single morning, for fourteen straight days, Regina had come into her office to find a letter. Twice she had received flowers. It was almost routine, she'd smile and slip the note with the others, and then go about her day. Deep down she knew she should ignore this person who was sweet on her, possibly go to the Sheriff to get them to leave her alone. However, it was nice to feel wanted in a romantic sense, wanted in any sense considering the past.

Hell it was nice to be wanted even in a friendship sense. Ruby and Katherine were great friends, but there was still hostility whenever Snow and David showed up. And considering Ruby was friends with them, it was often. Belle was nice too, but she was quiet, and Snow talked a mile a minute to her so Regina didn't have the chance.

When on the fifteenth day Regina found no letter upon her arrival she had frowned, and couldn't help but feel a little down. Sadness spreading through her chest, not that she would ever let anyone know that. Deciding that she needed to do something different she walked over to Grannies at her usual lunch time, joining Ruby.

The two friends chatted over their salads, it was a decent lunch. Especially considering Snow and David had stayed at their own booth, which considering Regina's disappointing morning was nothing less then a miracle. At least, to her. She was actually having a good time.

"SHIT FUCK SATAN" Screamed out Ruby who jumped up and her feet were now on the seat of the booth, and her ass was on the back. Regina had screamed "HOLY MAGICAL BALLS" In perfect unison with her friend's more profanity filled utterance.

At exactly twelve-fifteen a gigantic massive white teddy bear with a big red bow had fallen from the ceiling onto their, thankfully, recently cleared table. Both women were breathing heavily, and then smiled and shook their heads at the fact that they'd nearly shit themselves over a fucking teddy bear of all things.

"Magic" Snow said as she jumped up and out of her seat. David jerked around to look at the table behind him. His brow furrowing. "But. But. that wasn't Regina's magic?" Regina and Ruby blinked, mirrors of shock, and regret on Regina's part.

This had not been the right day to decide to change her schedule. Regina sighed, and plucked the letter from the bears lap. Before Snow could, as she was eyeing the thing as she came over. She never had lunch at the diner, if anything, Ruby would meet her at her office or at her house. But no. She just had to do something so out of character. She was going to strangle whoever sent the fucking bear. If it was the last thing she did.

_Soooo. It's sorta like our two week anniversary. You know. After you didn't burn my first letter. So, on this, the fifteenth day of our little one sided conversations, i thought you should get something I'd venture to assume no past love has thought of giving you. Your very own giant mother-fucking-ass teddy bear. Now, in the future rather than ordering this little beauty online and having it covertly shipped to me I would much rather win one that costs me ten dollars at a carnival or fair. Because, well, I'm poor, like. Dirt poor. If I had the money, I wouldn't mind giving you one of these a day. Hell twice. But I don't have the money. Because I am fix my own VCR/DVD player poor._  
_And second because it would totally be fucking awesome to win something for you with my physical prowess._  
_P.S I really hope that you kept to your schedule. You tend to push your plate away twenty to twentyfive minutes from the time lunch starts. As this gift will suck if it has a salad covered ass._  
_-Harvesting Hot Kiwi_

With great reluctance Regina divulged how her secret admirer had been sending letters to her for the past two weeks. She gave them a brief description of the things that had been written. As she spoke Snow looked like someone had shot her puppy, and David was half-glaring into space. Obviously annoyed that yet another person had magic. While Ruby was holding in her laughter.

Most of the things that had been written to Regina where random tidbits of whatever the person who had sent them had seen the day before, some offhand comments about things going on with the people of the town. Regina found them sweet, even if the person did sound like an uneducated teenager half the time.

"Seriously G. This. This is actually hilarious. Kiwi plans this thing to the freaking T, set up to appear before you at twelve-fifteen. And so today, of all days, is the one day you decide to eat at the diner. Only you man" The wolf girl said still fighting off her laughter, Regina scowled at her.

"I don't find anything about this particularly funny, and I've told you on many occasion do not call me that" Regina crossed her arms and pouted. "I suppose I should probably take it back to the office. Henry shouldn't see it."

Gingerly the woman picked up the bear that she'd pulled over to sit beside her. Trying to hide a smile, it was rather adorable, and she hadn't gotten a stuffed animal from anyone besides Henry. He had been five years old, and he had won a three inch banana with arms. The memory was a fond one, one of the many she cherished.

_Shit fuck me on a anthill! Regina, I am super fucking sorry. If I had known that you were going to have lunch with Ruby at Gran's then I wouldn't have time-spelled the bear to drop then. I'd have so set it for like. I don't know. When You are at the office, or home. You know?_  
_I mean fuck. I am so so so so sorry._  
_This is probably the first of many, many mistakes I will, undoubtedly, make in the future._  
_Hopefully you don't hate, or want to kill me!_  
_-Harvesting Hot Kiwi_

The Mayor smiled as she reread the letter, while also shaking her head. The person had the mouth of a sailor. And her smile disappeared. It wasn't Jones was it? Or Leroy? The thought brought vile to her mouth, and her to glance with suspicion of the giant bear sitting in the corner of her office. No, they were head over heels for Nova, and their ship. A relieved sigh came when Regina came to that conclusion, but she really wanted to know who was sending her these letters.

"You know. This person still ain't said if they gots them a clit or a dick yet. Kinda sweet either way. Almost sounds like a lovesick teenager" Ruby said with a laugh as she went through the stack of letters that Regina, and Snow, had dropped off at the station right after lunch.

Considering that Ruby's nose was deep within another letter, seeking out clues, the wolf completely missed the murderous glare her best friend shot her from behind the Sheriff's desk. Emma had barely been able to keep herself from throwing a lightning filled orb at the woman's head. It would stun, and it would fucking hurt. But it wouldn't kill.

_So I happened to come across the information that you are now actively seeking me out. Interested in meeting me? Or are you letting Snow's anger at my magic, and my love, lead you? Or, are you simply not enjoying my letters in the slightest? I severely hope it's the first of the options listed._  
_Perhaps the following information will please you. I know how badly you loathe when Ruby calls you 'G'. All you have to do is call her Ready Beddy and she won't ever call you that again, on the terms you never repeat that nickname._  
_I've also noticed you checking out the Sheriff of our little town a time or two. As well as that cute friend of yours, Katherine. And let's not forget the young lady who works at the ice cream shop. You have a thing for female blondes don't you? That works for me, I sport a clit, not a dick!_  
_-Harvesting Hot Kiwi_

"That. She. That. That fucking cunt whore bitch has camera's somewhere!" Half-shouted Ruby the next day. Regina had called her that accursed nickname, after she had dropped off a photocopy of the newest letter. "And now I can't call her G anymore" She pouted.

Smirking Emma just shook her head at her. Her hands behind her own head, her feet up on her desk. She was having a fine day. Regina had looked particularly divine this morning, and even had been nice to her today. And now Ruby was nearly speechless, it was a good morning. Plus, the fact Ruby couldn't see what was right in front of her face? That made it all the better.

Being as smart as she was Regina knew that it was simply a matter of time before Snow slipped it to her nosy little son that she had a secret admirer. So, she decided to come clean before Snow forced her to. Her decision was, of course, no way affected by the fact he kept asking about the giant bear rumor going around, or that she wanted to bring that object home rather than leave it at her office.

Wonderment filled the boys eyes as he scanned the notes from his mother's secret admirer. A person he automatically deemed her true love, at least, to himself. It had taken him all of nine letters before he had narrowed down the possibilities to three possible culprits. The first two he didn't particularly like, but he was hopeful about the third.

Suppressing the urge to grin a thousand watt smile Henry continued to read. He didn't want his mother to suspect that he knew something she, obviously, didn't. The second to last letter was the nail in his birth parent's coffin. Emma just couldn't resist pointing out that his mother had checked her out. It was a like a big gigantic neon red sign screaming 'It's me'.

"So, you were checking out my other Momma huh?" A cheeky grin was plastered to his dimpled cheeks. Regina raised one perfect eyebrow at her son, before placing the book she had been reading down onto her lap. "It's cool. She checks you out too, especially when you wear jeans. Maybe you should just ask her out, and this lady here will leave you alone"

"I've never" Regina blurted, her eyes slightly wide. "I don't find the Sheriff appealing in any sense" That was a complete and total lie, Henry had seen her assessing the woman on several occasions. Plus, Regina refused to look directly into henry's eyes. "Now, you have homework to do young man, and please, don't ever throw the thought of Emma and I dating again"

A shrug and a wide grin was all the boy offered before he jogged up the stairs. Henry had homework alright, just not the kind his mother wanted him working on. Certain that Emma needed a hand he decided that he was just the guy to give it. Except, this time he was riding solo. He knew he couldn't tell either of his moms yet, and he was pretty sure his blond parent would shrivel and die if he knew.

Operation Copperhead was going to be rough. There was no doubt about that, it was the most important young Henry had ever encountered. However he was also certain that he was the best man for the job, hell the only one who could help Emma out as far as this went. As, it all made complete sense to him. The Savior had to save everyone, so what better way for her to save the Evil Queen then by being her true love?

_That little boy of yours. I see him running about as of these past two weeks. Trying to be all sneaky and ninja like. I think he got himself another mission. Almost want to buy him a headband with the Konohagakure symbol. However, then I would have to dye his hair blond. _  
_Then make him, at the very very least, wear an orange shirt. Which would, of course, make the point of him being a sneaky little ninja mute._

_Actually, I would probably just buy him a whole outfit, and not like a costume either. Full on cosplay. Wait. You as Sakura. Oh! Or, ninjas, that makes me think of many anime's. We could have a full on convention!  
Then again, depending on what he's up to, dressing him up might be a good plan.  
Thoughts. Thoughts I say!  
Oops. I probably just let my nerd flag fly a little bit too high huh?  
Speaking of high, your thoughts on marijuana? I might try to get it legalized in our little town. There are many here who just need to mellow a little bit.  
-Harvesting Hot Kiwi_

"But Mom! I want to" Need to Henry's mind amended. He needed to read today's letter, and so far his mother had told him no. So far his mother had simply magically hidden a sentence here or there. Now she was hiding an entire letter from him. "Please? Please? Please?" He begged

"Henry" Came out in a sigh. "Can we please just enjoy dinner? It's your favorite" Regina was trying to enjoy her dinner, she had spent the majority of her saturday hearing Snow bitch and complain about this 'dangerous delusional felon'.

Okay, the complete truth was that it had been two hours. However, it had felt like a thousand. It had been nothing less than torture, and Regina had almost thought about looking up laws to see if she could have Snow fined or jailed for her inhumane treatment. Regina would have rather stuck her hand into a meat grinder.

"Yeah. thanks for making Lasagne. Its the best, better than anyones" Henry said as he stabbed at his food. He sighed. Dinner was good, and he mom had looked annoyed while she had cooked. But he had to see that letter. "Please? Come on, please?" He begged. Using his puppy eyes.

"I know this must be hard for you, but it is my choice about what I share with you. And I am choosing to not share this with you. I know this is hard to hear, but I am the parent, not you" Regina said as kindly as she could.

Mostly the mayor didn't want to give her child any more ideas. As, sadly, she could picture coming home to find her son in the exact way depicted in the letter. The image of him with bleached hair and an ugly orange shirt had only become worse when she had google'd what the fuck Kiwi had been talking about. Her son pouted, crossing his arms, and morphing his puppy eyes into that wounded puppy look he'd inherited from his adorable mother.

Tick, tock, tick, tock went the clock as darked haired mother and son stared at each other. Both wearing deep frowns, unblinking eyes, and arms crossed. The gears in his head were moving at full force. For a few days he had been trying to find a way to nonchalantly drop a way for Regina to talk back to Emma without Regina figuring out it was the sheriff she was talking to. And without appearing like he actually cared. A plan began to form in his mind. Henry needed to read that letter, keeping his face stoic was super hard, but he managed it.

Clock ticking in the background, destroying the silence with it's annoying sound. Henry began to tap his fingers together. Before lacing all but his pointer fingers together. Then he rested his lips on his index fingers. Mimicking Regina when she's about to close a deal, all confidence and swag. Regina was almost proud of his stance, would have been too, if it wasn't directed at her.

"Well" Regina lifted her chin slightly during Henry's pause. "I might have something to offer you, should you let me read the letter. Of course, you must promise to only cross out the gross stuff that a kid shouldn't read" The woman eyed her son, he seemed too much like a cross between herself and Gold in that moment.

"What is it that you have to offer me. As if you are going to suggest laundry again I will have to decline. I put my foot firmly down in that instance. You decimated the majority of my clothing the first time, and the second time you managed to blow up the washing machine" A small smile spread as she spoke, after the fact it was kind of funny.

Cheeks reddened with such speed that the Flash himself would be envious. Henry tried to look sternly, but in the end his embarrassment was painted on his face as if he were a human sized tomato. The current running joke around town was that the poor boy was as bad with a washer as Emma was with a stove.

Generally he used the fact that he was but an eleven year old boy, while Emma was in her late twenties. However, no matter how much he had pointed that out no one had seemed to care, it had worked as well as a mouse trying to stop a semi-truck. Henry had absolutely no doubts that until his birth-parent managed to blow up yet another stove, or set fire to another toaster that he wouldn't be allowed to live down his fiasco with the evil appliance - that he was convinced was working against him.

"Well, I can give you a way to start talking with Hot Kiwi. However, I will only tell you if I can get my hands on that letter. Since I know that you've been simply dying to get some sort of contact with her. Now, do not deny it, you complain about it enough as it is" That was a low blow. At least, from the boy's mother's standpoint. Then again, she had brought up his past with that infernal machine.

Glancing down at the letter still cutched tightly in her hands, her way of protecting it from her son. Tho, she now regretted bringing it home with her. Her little sneak of a son, that boy was good. Slipping into places unnoticed, managing to get into things he most certainly should not. The letters best protection was a death grip produced by her own hands.

Slowly she scanned the letter, and her own mind. Weighing the pros and cons of the situation at hand. In the end, a sigh surpassed her lips. Letting her son read the letter, should he have a good way to get in contact with the Kiwi woman, was a price she was willing to pay. However, the marijuana portion was most certainly out of the question. She would simply have to wipe that out and hope for the best concerning the rest of the letter.

"Tell me this brilliant plan you speak of, and I will let you read the more appropriate part of the letter." Thousand watt smile in place the boy punched the air three times in victorious bliss. His mother couldn't help but smile and shake her head at his actions before running a finger over the last two lines of the letter, cloaking the words from Henry's eyes.

"Deal! So, obviously she's not going through the post. So we can't track her, and we can't exactly go all Harry Potter on her butt with owls and the fireplace with everything flying all about" Henry paused, an excited grin and bouncing taking over his small frame. "Wait? Can we!? That would be so awesome!"

Clenching her eyes as tight as she she could the mayor sighed, placing her thumb and index finger over the bridge of her nose. No longer did she have the ability to count the the times she had to explain that Harry Potter was very much a myth. that he had never existed. And he would never have a showdown with Regina. Though, she assured her son, that should it be possible, she would have won hands down.

"Henry" was groaned out. "What is written those books is complete falsehood, i regret you ever have read them. The only being who ever needed wands are those pesky fairies. Now. And actual idea would be nice. As I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt that owls were not your genius plan" She stared at her son who shrugged.

"Anyway" He drawled. "It's like. Not even old school. That's the genius part. It's ancient school. Put an article into the paper, I am positive that she will read it. And id she's smart she'll figure out it's from you. I even found the perfect codename for you" he said in excitement. "Queer Age Inn"

Looking like a fish out of water Regina opened and closed her mouth several times. Her brow crinkled, her eyes slightly scrunched. Trying to find a good response to the name her son had come up with. However, she couldn't come up with anything thus far. So she settled on wondering where in the hell her eleven year old son had come up with such a name, let alone determined it should be hers.

The words made no sense to her, let alone how anyone could think that it was her. Which, in a way was a good point, but how would Kiwi know it was her? Harvesting Hot Kiwi also made no sense to her, but considering that she wasn't supposed to know who that was and they held the cards on the matter it made more sense then the name Henry had chose. Expectantly the boy looked at his mother.

"That is a very good plan Henry. I wish I would have thought of that sooner. I am very proud of you, you are quite smart" Henry sat up straighter, his grin widening. Happy with his mother's thoughts about him. "However, I don't believe that codename is a good fit"

The woman had expected a retort, an explanation, a response of some kind. Instead her son had jumped from the table as if his ass was lit on fire. Racing out of the dining room over to her office to get a blank page of paper from the printer, stole a pencil from the cup on her desk, ran back and began to scribble upon the page for a moment. Then he proudly pushed it front of his flabbergasted mother.

Carefully splayed out on the page were two. Names. For lack of better terminology. Arrows coming from the top name down to the bottom name. The arrows indicated the shift in the letters. Queer Age Inn was on the bottom, and the top? On the top in Henry's lopsided print was Queen Regina. The woman fought back the tears that threatened to spill as Regina realized that her son no longer viewed her as the Evil Queen. To him, she was finally just Queen regina.

"See Mom? This way not everyone will know it's you, at least not unless you want them to. And if Kiwi is worthy well, then they'll figure it out right? Come on, what are you going to by if not that? Squeezes Kiwi's juice?" Henry asked.

Both mother and son cringed at the visual, Henry more so than his mother. A foul taste entering his mouth, and he now knew why his friends got so creeped out when they walked in on their parents kissing. What he had seen in his head was much worse.

To shake them both of the thoughts running through their minds Regina pushed the letter over to her son, and waited patiently as he read it. His eyes brightening, and a smile appearing on his face as he did so. The visual was gone from both parties mind, Henry's mind replaced with his mission and the things he read, and Regina's with her sons happy face.

"DUDE" Was shouted with pure glee, that brought a wince to Regina. Such language. "That would so be so totally awesome! Emma and me watched that show way back. I could totally rock being Naruto! Like seriously, Ma, can I bleach my hair?"

A simple handwritten note and her son was talking identical to his woman-child of a birth-parent. It caused her headache to grow tenfold. She had raised him to speak better than that, she supposed, silently, that at least he wasn't cursing every four seconds like sailor-mouthed Emma. At least, not yet.

Add in the fact that not only was his response to the letter predictable, but juvenile, and now she was going to have to keep him from going bat-shit crazy with the idea. No. She needed a stiff drink, the day had been too stressful. And she was certain she was going to have nightmares about her son running around dressed to the nines like the cartoon character.

"You most certainly can not bleach your hair." Came out half grumbled, half annoyed. "Now, since you have so many ideas, why don't you help me figure out what I should write to Kiwi" She snatched the letter back before it corrupted her child even more than it already had managed to do.

Disturbing as it was the young boy had long since grown accustomed to Emma's morning schedule. The woman would jog into the station, roughly ten minutes late, drink her coffee and skim whatever paperwork was there. After about twenty minutes she'd toss her empty coffee cup into the trashbin, put the newspaper under her armpit, and then she would head into the bathroom and skim the paper as she took a lengthy morning dump.

So, knowing this information, the next morning Henry left home early. Pedaling his bike as fast as he could get it to go. Covertly he took a sharpie and drew arrows to the little box that held his mother's message. Outlining it with a thick black border. After rolling it back up he double checked to make sure no one saw him, popped back onto his bike and raced towards school. Barely sitting in his seat before the morning bell rang.

"Shitballs in cuntwhore island!" Let out a surprised Emma as she finally understood the message that was on the page that was roughly eighty percent covered in black sharpie. The woman blinked at the page.

"NO! Oh Zeus! Spray woman! Use. The. Fucking. Spray" Called out Ruby who was pinching her nose in fear of whatever was going on in the bathroom. "And I DON'T want a play by play of whatever is going on in there like last time"

Under normal circumstances Ruby's reaction would have made her burst out laughing, but she was too busy rereading the sparse sentences that she was certain that Regina had put out for her. Her mind reeling on she could have come up with something like this. The fact she didn't laugh made Ruby groan and grab her jacket, if it was that bad that Emma wasn't laughing? then she was going to 'patrol' the city until the station was safe again.

**Seeking a Kiwi Harvesting expert. I am in need of help in this area, as I know little about what I am doing. If anyone thinks they can help, they know how to contact me - Queer Age Inn**

Obviously Regina didn't know it was Emma, at least not yet. Or else she would have stormed her way down to the station herself, or demanded that Emma go to her office. Yet, someone had gone out of there way to mark the newspaper in such a way that the Sheriff would take notice. That she would take the time to decode the name, and understand the message.

The next morning, as usual, Regina found a letter in the middle of her desk. Her dad had gone in yesterday's edition, as as she traced the edges, she wondered if Kiwi had been able to decipher the message. let alone if she read the paper anymore, not many did. It wasn't long before curiosity got the better of her and she flipped it open, biting her lip as she did so.

_Have I ever told you that you are bloody brilliant? Well I know I have, but here's to saying it again! I mean, that was a smart ass idea! So, what is it that you need to know about harvesting kiwi's? I am assuming you want to know more about me, not the actual harvest of the fruit. I know nothing about that particular topic._  
_What would you like to know? What would you like to talk about?_  
_The black envelope under this letter is enchanted. All you have to do is place your letter inside, and it will come to me._  
_BE WARNED! Use magic to try and find where your letter is sent and the envelope will disintegrate!_  
_Nice anagram by the way!_  
_-Harvesting Hot Kiwi_

**I have many questions. However, I will limit myself to just ten for the time being.**  
**One - Who are you?**  
**Two - Why did you not simply reveal yourself instead of the letters?**  
**Three - What is your favorite color?**  
**Four - Do you know how badly I want to throw a fireball so far up your hindquarters that it comes out of your nostrils for giving my son ideas about becoming this Naruto boy?**  
**Five - What are your favorite foods?**  
**Six - Are you a good cook, do you enjoy cooking?**  
**Seven - How can I possibly trust that your claims of love for me are true?**  
**Eight - What is your dream transportation vehicle?**  
**Nine - Are you employed, if so, where do you work?**  
**Ten - Did you know that I, as much as I am loathe to admit it, love that infernal bear. Even though you decided to scare me half to death by having it appear in front of me in the middle of Granny's diner?**  
**\- Queer Age Inn, also known as Regina.**

_Now, really, did you think that I would just come out and say that I am vnnz hdzm? You are far too cure for your own good. You know that?_  
_If I were to have simply waltzed my way up to you, got down and proclaimed my undying love for you. Well. Completely honesty? I doubt I would have survived that particular encounter. My favorite color is Red. I have always loved the color._  
_Hey now, you let Henry read your letter! That is not my fault, if anything, it's yours. Food! I love food. Apples, steak, and basically anything that you've ever cooked. Me? Cook? Ha! Let's just say that me and cooking are like…. Henry and a washing machine. Cept. Worse._  
_Worse in like Colossal Titan proportions. Like Colossal and armored titans had a gigantic colossal armored titan baby proportions._  
_It's up to you if you choose to trust my claims or not. I swear, on everything that I am, everything I hold dear, that they are true. That since the very first time my eyes were allowed to rest upon your form I was a goner. I hope that you learn to trust that._  
_Ducati Streetfighter. I would die for that thing. However, if I did have one, I would give it up for one kiss from you._  
_Now now now, you know this town inside and out. I can't just tell you my job now can I? I am poor, but, I do have a job._  
_I am very pleased that you enjoyed it, and didn't decided to set it aflame considering the mishap concerning it's arrival into this world._  
_\- Harvesting Hot Kiwi. Also known as nice try once again, but you ain't getting my name outta me just yet._

**Do I even want to know how you managed to gain access to anything that I have cooked? I've only cooked for a handful of people, especially after the curse ended. I am going to assume, for the sake of my sanity, that you have only eaten the sweets I baked for the annual school bake sale. As images of a human-sized Kiwi rummaging through my garbage can is likely to make me need a straightjacket. The image disturbs me.**  
**These letters, at least on your side, have been coming for almost two months now. Even if I am not ready to go on a date with you, let alone sleep with you, I do feel like I am ready to meet you. At the very least I do feel like we could be friends.**  
**\- Regina**

They talked like that for a few more weeks, the mayor found herself slowly falling for the woman she wrote to every day. On the the day of their three month 'anniversary' Regina laughed out loud as she pulled the letter out of the envelope. It was on red paper, and she was already giddy because it had rested on a box of chocolate, next to a bouquet of red roses.

_You can not even fathom how fucking angry I am! I am super fucking pissed off. I just want to wring that cuntdogshitdouchewhores little fucking pasty ass neck! I mean. Who the fuck does Snow White think she is? YOU at the kissing booth? What the fuck!? Like no. Just Zeus damn no!_  
_You will, I am praying to the gods, be pleased to know that I bought out every single hades-blessed ticket for the booth. Well, for your two hours of course. I put in an anonymous bid for five thousand nine hundred seventy three dollars and twelve cents._  
_From what I was able to tell she was completely infuriated when the school board voted to take my offer in. That's more than they've ever made on a carnival day, let alone from just one hour on a booth._  
_So. Two weeks from today, I will be the only one with the ability to kiss you. They even got me a shiny golden ticket and everything. It's kind of amusing. The question I have to answer for myself is if i am going to woman-up and actually show up._  
_I made you a playlist, which was supposed to be a nice surprise. It's on a mini-sd attached to the bottom of the chocolate box. That fucking snow totally ruined this letter, sorry. You do not even know what I am tempted to do as that woman sleeps._  
_Someone else kissing you, especially people you don't even agree to date! It just. No. So. Fucking. No._  
_Anyway, here is what's on the sd card._  
_1\. Invisible - Clay Aiken_

_2\. Forbidden Wine - Joe Carson_

_3\. She's - Ryan Cabrera_  
_4\. Warrior Love - Etana_

_5\. Nothing Else Matters - Metallica_

_6\. This world can't tear us apart - Trivium_

_7\. Notice Me - David Archuleta_

_8\. 18 days - Saving Abel_

_9\. What is I was nothing - All that remains_  
_10\. Breathing - Jason Derulo_  
_11\. I need you - Saving Abel_  
_12\. If you only knew - Shinedown_

_13\. Never Stop - Safetysuit_

_14\. Woman Like you - Lee Brice_  
_\- Harvesting Hot Kiwi_

The next two weeks were interesting. Regina listened to the playlist a little too often, and was caught between wanting Kiwi to show up, and hoping she didn't. They didn't discuss that fact, they avoided it. The songs sent to her were interesting. It was obvious to her that Kiwi had a large array of musical tastes, and she liked that fact. Even if Trivium wasn't exactly her favorite band.

The song selected by them was half-decent, but Trivium annoyed her to no end. Shortly before the curse had ended, Henry was more withdrawn than ever, and had stolen some of the cd's from Emma. He gone around singing 'Black' and 'strife' for a week. Even after she had destroyed Emma's infernal discs. Regina was sure that he purposely found the most aggravating music he could just to piss her off.

"This is completely unnecessary" Regina half-growled. She mentally notated that this would be the last time she ever, and she meant ever, volunteered again. The kissing booth was bad enough, but now she was on the stage.

Most of the booths were on either side of the large gymnasium. Genuinely, there were three on the stage. Not this year. This year there was one single booth. Camera's on her, splaying her image on the white wall above her. And on white screens on either side of the giant gymnasium. For her 'safety', or so said Snow.

Middle shift was the busiest shift, but the shortest at only an hour. Regina's shift was preferable, due to the time slot. Three to four in the afternoon. Ruby had cleared three hundred bucks from the one to three shift. The first shift of the day. Kathrine was taking over for the last shift, four to six. She only had fifty-eight minutes left with her face plastered everywhere for people to see.

Safety. The thought made Regina roll her eyes as she watched her son try to knock down three milk jugs with a softball. There was no way she needed to be protected, especially from Kiwi. She wasn't even sure if the woman would show up, let alone reveal herself. Nor did Snow, but Regina knew Snow just was angered that Regina could possible be happy. She couldn't blame her too much, well she could and did, but she wasn't about to admit it now was she?

Time was spent between doing to activities. Watching the red digital numbers on the clock, and keeping an eye as her son bounced from booth to booth to booth. Playing games and eating foods she had approved for one night only. She regretted it now, in just twenty minutes he had eaten two corn dogs, an ice cream, and four cotton candies.  
Thirteen minutes left, and Regina found herself feeling disappointed. She had been scared of what would happen, but now, with only twelve minutes and some-odd seconds left. Regina realized she had hoped that Kiwi would show up, would show herself. That the dance would end, and maybe, she could be happy.

Four minutes, a shadow passed over her, and she glanced up. In front of her was Emma Swan. A odd look on her face, like she was trying to decide what to do. She was adorable like that, her face contorted into an expression that Regina couldn't quite explain. Before Regina could speak, let alone react, Emma had moved.

Grabbing onto the shocked woman's face, and placing her lips against hers. It was thrilling, shocking, and the kiss was so damn hot, heavy, hard, and just spectacular that Regina literally saw stars. Then Emma was pulling away, biting her lip. Looking adorkable and awkward. Just staring.

"What in the ducking hockeysticks Sheriff" Oh how she wished she could cuss right then as she hid her surprise with anger. "Only those with tickets-" All words were lost as Emma grinned brightly, and slammed down a two inch by half inch golden ticket onto the counter between them.

"So, Regina, will you go on a date with me? The annoying person who dropped a bear on you at the diner, the person who broke your curse, and the person who loves you more then anything else in any universe" Emma asked.

"YOU" was shouted from the ground. Causing Emma to turn around. Sure enough a crowd had gathered around the bottom of the stage. Snow was standing, red-faced, pointing at the scene. Looking as if someone had just run her over with a monster truck.

Sheriff Swan really didn't give a flying fuck about what her mother wanted to say or do, what was important was Regina's reaction her answer. And as she turned around she saw Henry jogging up the stage, fist pumping and smiling like a fool. She was sure he was the tricky little bastard who had sharpied her paper from the shit-eating grin on his face.

"Wait. But. The ticket. Kiwi. You?" Regina babbled in disbelief. Of all people she had never suspected Emma fucking Swan. But as she thought back, all the little things, they were right there. Staring her straight in the face, and she hadn't realized.

"Disappointed?" Emma asked softly. Smile fading. She gave a half shrug, took a single step back. Hid her pain well, but Regina could see through it. "It's alright. I understand, really I do"

In one swift motion that Mayor had balanced her ass on the window of the booth, and threw her legs over. Grabbing Emma's shirt by the collar and pulling her forcfully into her body. Smacking them together with a loud thump. Hope brightened Emma's eyes a mere moment before Regina grabbed her face and kissed her, long, hard, and with so much passion that this time Emma was the one seeing stars.

Snow passed out, her body falling to the ground with a silent thump. No one was paying attention to her anyway, they were all too interested, adult and child alike, as the savior and the evil queen made out against the kissing booth. Like they were the only two people who existed. Like they were lovers who had been separated for years.

"FINALLY! I mean really, people, I figured it out by the third letter! Okay, so, I want a little sister. Not a brother! And a new playstation four, ooh, and I want you to get married. And Emma to move in. And I can be the best men at the wedding" Henry listed with a grin that threatened to tear his face in two.

Despite the fact that there bodies were firmly pressed against each other, and there mouths and tongues were battling for dominance both women heard every syllable their son had said, and when his demands were done Emma pulled her mouth away with a groan, resting her forehead in the crook of Regina's neck, and sighed before turning her head so she could gaze at their child.

"Kid I really don't mean to be rude, but shut the heck up. Don't scare your mother off! Let me enjoy this before she realizes it's me who she's kissing" Then Emma was kissing Regina again, causing her son to huff and roll his eyes.

"Oh, I know who I'm kissing" Regina said between kisses. "And I quite like it dear. And you were right, I do constantly check you out, tho, you've proven I'm not the only one" Emma could only smile against her lips.

Everything wasn't figure out. Not by a long shot. However, perfection didn't seem to cover that moment. For Emma it was like coming home, Regina in her arms. Their son close by and happy, that was what she wanted. What she had dreamed about since her eyes had first laid themselves upon the beautiful concoction in her arms. And she never wanted to let it go.

The strong arms wrapped around her. The face that was leaning down to kiss hers in ways she had never been kissed before. Perfection. Pure, unadulterated perfection. It caused emotions to stir in Regina she didn't find herself worthy of, but in those arms. Her body pressed against Emma's. She wanted to see where this went, because, in that moment, she loved her. And she never wanted to stop, she wanted Emma Swan, and everything that came with her. Whatever that may entail for her future, she wasn't sure, but she couldn't see them ever truly being apart again.

**A/N: Well thats it. Hope you liked it. If you hated it, loved it, slept through it, or smoked weed during it if you got a few spare moments please let me know your thoughts. thanks. **


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